Sunday, March 30, 2008

Take me out to the Ballgame

Here is my baseball preview from the worst teams to the best teams.

Teams that have no chance of winning the World Series

30) San Francisco – They lost to their own AAA team this week with their ace, Barry Zito, on the mound. As Cartman would say “That is helli-lame”.
29) Florida – Rumor has it that they may be calling up an unknown, five tool talent named Ashley Hogan. He’s not gonna help.
28) Oakland – The A’s are obviously in rebuilding mode after dumping Dan Haren and Nick Swisher. However, as of this posting on Sunday afternoon, they are tied for the lead in the major leagues in victories. Maybe they should be higher on this list.
27) Baltimore – The O’s are going nowhere this year. In theory they are playing for the future. In reality, that future is four, long years away.
26) Kansas City – Speaking of teams rebuilding, this team hasn’t contended in at least a decade. As I write this, I am struggling to name anyone good on this team.
25) Texas – The Rangers made no moves to get significantly better in the offseason. I could say something else about the team but I am still trying to think of someone good on the Royals.
24) Washington – Luckily fans will be coming to see the new stadium cause the team just stinks.
23) St. Louis – Memo to the Cardinals management: Shut down Pujols for the year so he can have his surgery. Your team is not going anywhere.
22) Pittsburgh – Keep on moving…Nothing to see or write about here.
21) Minnesota – The Twinkies gave up Johan Santana for far too little. It’s a young team (and I don’t just mean Delmon).

Teams that could go either be great or totally stink
20) Cincinnati – I have heard a lot this offseason about the Reds rebuilding with youth. However, Ken Griffey Jr. is almost 50 years old. That is not youth.
19) Tampa – These are not your father’s Devil Rays (or Rays or D-Rays).
18) White Sox – Nick Swisher will fit in very well in ChiTown. Time is running out on older players like Paul Konerko and Jim Thome..
17) Toronto – The Blue Jays will always have younger brother complex in the AL East. They’ll never compete with the Yanks and Sox.
16) Houston – Houston, we have a problem. I can’t think of a reason why you will be good.
15) Atlanta – The Braves would have the best pitching staff in baseball (Glavine, Smoltz and Mike Hampton) if this was 1995.
14) San Diego – They are good every year but I don’t know why. Other than Peavy, they don’t have many stud players.
13) California Angels - (I can’t call them the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim ‘cause I am old school) – The Halos have great pitching from top to bottom but injuries have already taken a toll.
12) Colorado – Could this year’s Colorado be this year’s Colorado?
11) Arizona – Great acquisition in Dan Haren but should have found a big bat for the lineup instead. The lineup just might be worse than Kansas City’s. (I still can’t think of a good Royal).

Teams that could legitimately win it all
10) Philadelphia - The Phillies are a bit short on pitching but have a deep lineup in a small ballpark.
9) Milwaukee – Prince Fielder leads a group of young, hungry hitters like Ricky Weeks and Ryan Braun. The addition of one more stud pitcher and the Brew-Crew can make it back to the playoffs for the first time in a long-time.
8) Los Angeles Dodgers – Someone has to win it in the west. In Joe Torre we trust.
7) Boston – Too much Japanese food will cause the Sox to get off to a slow start.
6) Seattle – A good, but not great, lineup should help a GREAT pitching rotation.
5) New York Mets – Many players on this team are getting close to qualifying to be a member of AARP. Instead of the 7th inning stretch, it might be the 7th inning nap at Shea Stadium.
4) New York Yankees – Any team with A-Rod can easily get to October. The end of October is a different story, however.
3) Detroit – This team can just mash the ball. If the pitching can give up 6 runs or less, they should win a lot of games.
2) Cleveland – Should have won it last year if not for a few baserunning blunders. CC Sabathia will once again win the Rich Garces Award for heaviest pitcher in baseball.

The team that will win it all
1) Chicago Cubs – This is the year!!! Then again, Cub fans have only been saying this for the past century or so.

By the way, is George Brett still on the Royals? Mike Sweeney? Brett Saberhagen? Help.

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