Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Moment We've All Been Waiting For: The Blessed End

It's the finale of "American Idol"! Here's what happened:
  • A quick note: While waiting for enough of the show to get DVR-ed so that I could fast forward where necessary, I threw on Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Everyone has a movie that they just know cold. Mine is Fast Times. I can pretty much complete any line and after saying all of the lines before the actors did, my wife turned to me and said, "You know, that's pretty annoying." I just couldn't help it.
  • We open with the two Davids looking like they're in the Kryptonian courtroom at the beginning of Superman. Unfortunately, Paula wasn't banished to the Phantom Zone.
  • Matt Rogers! He was the man.
  • Oh my God, I hate the final show. I was pondering just quitting this as soon as the first Final 12 performance started. If this is what the tour is like, where do I sign up... to get the hell out of town as quickly as possible when they come? Get ready for me to start complaining like a Clinton staffer.
  • I actually had forgotten that Amanda Overmyer existed. I'll now hit myself over the head to see if I can re-forget.
  • Nope, didn't work. Crap.
  • What a great song choice for the duet. Seriously, even with the mic level issues, that was really good. But who let the little kid on stage with the rock star?
  • Did you know that Mike Myers was a whore? While watching the show, Elliot Spitzer called him to see what he was up to.
  • Ooh, ooh, which will I do first? Buy a David Archuleta CD, see The Love Guru, or waterboard myself? The suspense is killing me!
  • How about that forced "I'm on camera" smile that Simon had?
  • Dude, Joel McHale was there. Get ready for a weird, paradoxical "Soup" on Friday.
  • Having Jason Castro perform with Afroman and Cypress Hill was maybe a little overkill.
  • You know what, just f*** Ford. Sorry.
  • Good point on the radio today that old man Clive Davis puts all of his old friends on "Idol", so you get Dolly Parton and Neil Diamond and Donna Summers. But hey, none of us were ready to turn to "Farmer Wants A Wife" after what seemed like 20 minutes of Ms. Summers singing, right?
  • Oh, it's time to go back to the Jimmy Kimmel well! He's funny at least, and absolutely unscripted!
  • Did David Hernandez have to give a lap dance during the Top 6 guys song? Did you know that in the summer of '69, David Archuleta was -32 years old?
  • Seriously though, the two finalists are so much better than anyone else this season. Or maybe it's like "The Biggest Loser" where they've just kept on with the better trainers.
  • Oh my, the thought of an "American Idol" ride at Disney... Too many jokes come to mind. I may have to think about it and get back to you.
  • The ride was tested by Corey Clark?
  • Graham Nash? Someone needs to stop Clive Davis before we have a Frankie Avalon sighting. Lord, I hope I didn't just jinx us all.
  • Oh, the Jonas Brothers? Now, we've finally gotten cool!!!!! Do "MMMBop"!
  • Okay, the "Let My People Go" guy legitimately cracks me up every time. They totally should have had the "I Am Your Brother" guy sing the song with a real rock band like Green Day. The marching band just wasn't quite funny enough. It also went on for way too long.
  • It says a lot that Cook got ZZ Top and Archuleta got some one-hit wonder mix station band, right?
  • This might be my longest blog entry ever. It may also be the longest two hours of my life.
  • It was great when they had David Archuleta's mother's sister wives on.
  • The Gladys Knight thing was so funny on so many levels. It might have been Robert Downey, Jr. not trying as hard as the other guys or Ben Stiller looking at the cue cards so much. The best thing on "Idol" all season by far. YouTube gold... The writers of "Saturday Night Live" must be inconsolable at this point.
  • Don't put Syesha next to Brooke during a song where they're dancing. You can't even it out, it just makes Brooke look that much more awkward.
  • It's time (and thank God we didn't have the annual Clive Davis "State of 'American Idol' Speech")... How artficially blown-away will Archuleta look when he wins?
  • Oh... wow... For the first time this season, I'm pleasantly surprised... and speechless...
  • First Parvati and now David Cook? People who deserve to win are winning? Dare I hope for five-and-a-half months from now?


Marissa said...

I too, was pleasantly surprised. Maybe this whole democracy thing will work afterall...

Don't worry, we all have one of those movies...

And Jaimie - if you're reading - I hope it's just not one of those nights where they get s##&faced and take us out to a pasture to tip cows...

angie said...

I missed some of the items you commented on, Josh, but some of the things that stood out for me were (sorry if not in the order of the show):

Nice "Hero", but definitely not picked with DA in mind. If there was a second duet that was more his style, I missed it.

Holy crap! When did Bryan Adams get so OLD?!?!?!?

Very cool for Syesha to get to sing with both Seal and Donna Summer, but man, was she totally overmatched by both!

I think that's the first time I've ever heard the actual "Teach Your Children". Instead, all I had running through my mind was the Capitol Steps parody "Tax Our Children" sung by seniors about Social Security and whatnot. I know which version of the song *I* enjoyed more!

Looked like my dining room window scarf trailing from Carrie Underwood's sleeves. Interesting song progression from her -- first "Jesus, Take the Wheel" then "Before He Cheats" and now "I Don't Even Know His Last Name"?

While I won't (can't) disagree with your opinions of the Jonas Brothers and One Republic, they probably are better known than ZZ Top among DA's voters, don't you think? And poor lead singer who was having a REALLY bad night (no clue if that's normal or not) having to sing with DA.

Dude, someone needs to tell George Michael it's not the 80's anymore; he needs to get a new look. And that song.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... talk about going on forever!! At least "Last Dance" was entertaining/enjoyable!

I had to call Jaimie at the time to share this last comment: "Alright, wussy-boy, stop with all the crying." She said she was just about to call me, but her comment would've been more along the lines of "There's no crying in rock and roll!"

Marissa said...

Angie - we saw Brian Adams in concert two years ago - no matter what you say, he is still a hunk - or at least, he was hunkier than Def Leppard.

Jaimie said...

Better late than never, Marissa. What's actually funny is that was one of two movies I thought about when reading Josh's Fast Times comment (the other was Spaceballs).

F^&# me gently with a chainsaw.