Super Tuesday -- Jokes and Jokes and Jokes and Jokes

It's 6:30 and I'm settling in for a long night of Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann. I kind of liked what I did for New Hampshire night, so here is a semi-running diary of the biggest Primary night in American history:

• I actually would have started at 6, but I left work a little late and to help deal with the horrendous Lower MoCo traffic, I stopped at 7-11 for chips and a Diet Coke. Let's see, was I held up by the fight going on at cash register 1, where a woman had gotten a UPS guy to help her yell at the cashier that another cashier (who obviously wasn't actually there) had just stolen her lottery ticket? Or was it the guys at cash register 2, who were incredibly slow of body and mind, mouth-opened and drooling a bit, who had to get that cashier to check out for them the wrapper of the granola bar they had eaten WHILE IN THE STORE?!? I bet I can find a way to equate that 7-11 with a Huckabee-led America, but who knows?
• Hey, Huckabee won West Virginia! I'm sure this can't be related to my last comment at all!
• Roy commented about how Hillary wants to debate once a week after tonight. Two things on that -- I read somewhere that Obama is heavily favored to sweep the upcoming primaries, and Clinton agreed to having one of those debates on Fox News, which smacks of, wait, what's the word, desperation. The Dems had agreed not to feed into Murdoch, but of course they had agreed not to campaign in Florida either.
• 7:00 -- Let the games begin! Polls closed in Georgia at 7 sharp. MSNBC projected Obama 30 seconds later. Exit polls show him with 43% of the White vote and 49% of White people age 40-59. Tremendous, unexpected numbers for him and maybe a harbinger for later on.
• 7:42 -- All this talk about McCain working with Huckabee to hurt Romney in exchange for the VP spot doesn't quite strike me right. If McCain stands for bipartisanship and bringing Democrats and Independents over, I can't see how Huckabee as running mate would help with that, no matter how much he'd help in the South.
• 8:05 -- David Shuster may have the most animated mouth in cable news. He's like a human Clutch Cargo. When the sound is a little off, like it just was, it's disconcerting.
• 8:11 -- Romney wins his home state. Upon hearing that the Mittster was the favorite of Massachusetts, Justin Tuck sacked him.
• 8:22 -- I think if Dubya and Tom Ridge had a lovechild, physically that lovechild would resemble Mel Martinez (R-FL).
• 8:29 -- Arkansas polls close in one minute, but let me be the first person in the nation to officially project them for Clinton and Huckabee. Remember, you heard it here first. Well, except this probably won't be posted until like 1AM.
• 8:40 -- They're saying that Huckabee and McCain are pounding on Romney from both sides. He shall henceforth be known as "Fingercuffs".
• 8:51 -- Bailey, Official Dog of Random Babbles, came out tonight as a Ron Paul supporter. Unfortunately for him (and Dr. Paul), the only thing he'll ever be able to vote for is Abigail for MVP of "Puppy Bowl IV".
• 9:27 -- Not a whole lot happening. The speeches will be the real humor. There was an apparently drunk cameraman filming GW (and Kappa Kappa Psi - Alpha Kappa chapter) alum Chuck Todd.
• 9:42 -- No call still in Arizona for the GOP. A lot of Mormons there which helps Romney. Judging by Fingercuffs and his campaign, are Mormons the best-looking religion? No wonder so many women flock to them. And by "them" I mean one guy at a time. Okay, maybe not so much anymore, but I do like "Big Love" so there you go.
• 9:52 -- There is an ad campaign that calls for any children under 4'9" to be in a car seat. Where does that leave little people? Tell me you don't at least snicker at that image.
• 10:01 -- Utah to Romney. How much would you pay not to have to go to that victory party in Salt Lake City?
• 10:09 -- Huckabee says, "The widow's might is more powerful than all the armor in the world." Look, I'm not a Christian, so maybe I'm not in on the joke, but that can't possibly be anything but a symbol for Tom Cruise to try to steal something from Langley, can it?
• 10:11 -- Anyone who wants a government agency to be disbanded understands that it would take away a lot of people's jobs, right? It's okay to root for higher unemployment at any time, especially in this economy.
• 10:14 -- Huck makes a ton of college football analogies that I barely get and follows it with a boxing one. He's one hockey reference away from locking up the Versus channel vote, and I do mean "vote."
• 10:33 -- Here's Fingercuffs and his weirdly-hanging shoulders. As opposed to a Giuliani staffer, it must be nice to work for Romney because you know you're getting paid no matter how bad it gets.
• 10:35 -- Romney slips and thanks people for "how many doors you've knocked up." Somewhere, a pregnant Jim Morrison shakes his head sadly.
• 10:38 -- I have to say, I couldn't vote for Mitt Romney because I'm too afraid that he'd let Roman Grant run the nation. Regardless, you know the difference between Romney and Obama (at least one of the many)? His tag line is the awkward "They Haven't!" while Obama's is "Yes, We Can!" Which do you prefer?
• 10:42 -- Huck takes Georgia. No call on Arizona still. What is going on with the GOP?
  
• 10:51 -- Clinton takes the stage, leaving McCain and Obama to speak last tonight. Not that she'd want to follow him, but I don't feel like letting Obama be the last voice heard is a great strategic move. Of course, she'll make the 11:00 news in the East.
• 11:02 -- Just a blah speech with a lot of reading. I felt like the speech wasn't horribly inspiring or emotional.
• 11:38 -- And here comes the worst public speaker in the race finally. He stares at the teleprompter like there's a naked picture of Mae West on it.
• 11:41 -- Every time he tries to laugh, he gets like two chuckles into it and then loses steam and looks like he'll quickly lose his smile if he doesn't get back to action. You think any other part of his ancient body might be like that?
• 11:44 -- Sen. Obama starts before McCain is finished. CNN and MSNBC dropped Mac like the plague.
• 12:05 -- A bit on the long side, but a stirring speech, as always. You just can't compare his ability to inspire and flat-out speak to anyone else's.
• 12:11 -- At this point, no matter that Clinton actually has now actually won CA, this has been a HUGE night for Obama. He's stolen Connecticut and Minnesota, at least kept it very close in Missouri, and should win most of the delegates of the day. We'll see what the spin says, but he has at the very least pulled himself equal with her. On the red side, Romney is nearing his end, but Huckabee has jumped back into the race. So, with Alaska still to come tonight, the battle comes to my home next Tuesday. With Super-Duper-Tsunami Tuesday past, the votes will keep counting. This continues to be the greatest election of my lifetime.