Sunday, May 24, 2009

Not With A Bang But A Yawn

My life is complete. Perez Hilton responded to one of my tweets tonight. Here's how it happened.

We went at 4:45PM today to see Terminator: Back For More Cash because I'm a sucker for a) Terminator, b) summer movies, and c) movie franchises. The movie follows a convicted killer, played by Sam Worthington, who is executed in 2003, donates his body to the Cyberdyne Corporation, and wakes up fifteen years later to find himself in the middle of the man/machine war. Over the next two hours or so, you basically see nothing but explosions and gunfire. There's little discernible plot and I only remember two lines of dialogue from the film. One was, "Come with me if you want to live," the other was, of course, "I'll be back." When the latter was said, most people laughed and one person in the audience said out loud, "Oh my God, that is so stupid." So essentially you have an action film that has nothing but action and killer robots and big explosions and brand new types of machines. Can't go wrong with that at least, right? Wrong. It is unexpectedly boring. You don't care about one character in the whole damn movie (remember, because they've discounted T3, we essentially haven't seen John Connor in something in a meaningful way in over fifteen years) and the fighting all seems to blend together. Plus, because it all happens in the future, there's not much real need for the cyborgs (with a couple of exceptions), so it's all just metal fighting humans. It's directed by a guy named McG, who apparently made the Charlie's Angels suckfests, and has a really stupid name (Fun Fact: McG was the rapper name for Scrooge McDuck in a Duck Tales episode). It could be any movie with crappy dialogue and CGI that looks like I did it on an Apple IIe. California Games had better graphics. Okay, that's not true, but the roller skating game on that made more sense than this piece of crap film.

There are two and only two good parts in the entire film. First, there's a scene that lasts all of five seconds where Christian "I Talk In A Gravelly Voice And Scream For Gravitas" Bale is fighting these water-based terminators and the camera work is really nice. Second, the end battle involves whichever Terminator model looks like Arnold and it's a pretty classic Terminator-style battle. Otherwise, the thing sucks and I gave a tiny thought to walking out.

Back to Perez Hilton. I had said earlier today to someone that I feel dirty for following Perez on Twitter. I don't really care about celebrity news and I don't need to hear about Lady GaGa every thirty seconds. But it all paid off tonight when he tweeted that he thought the movie was okay, but that Sam Worthington was "AMAZING!" Problem: Worthington speaks with an American accent for the first half of the movie and then, at some point, he clearly begins speaking with an Australian accent. It's a Costner-esque breakdown. So I replied to Perez, asking him if that accent inconsistency was what was amazing. When a guy has a million followers, you mostly just reply to be snarky. But! He replied back admitting that the accent was a problem, but he still thought Worthington acted well. I've been noticed by a person on the very bottom rung of Hollywood. Now, I can die in peace.

I just wish I could have figured that out at about 4:44 this afternoon.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

[url=]Oleansoft Hidden Camera 250x1[/url] [url=]ProtectedSoft Video DVD Maker Pro[/url]
SpiffCast AVI to MP4 Converter FLVideoConverter
[url=]Easy DVD Shrink[/url] [url=]Allok 3GP PSP MP4 iPod Video Converter 4.2.0709[/url]
Power DVD 8 Amadis Video Converter Suite 3.5.4 Bluefox iPhone Video converter
Video Converter 4.1.45
my icq:858499940385