Special Report: Re-Dependence Day

With the season finale tonight of the year's best new show, "Kid Nation", I had to write a recap. Here's what happened:

• The episode started with the job board mysteriously catching fire, as Mike became Paul Re-Weird, running through town to wake the kids up.
  
• When Jonathan informed them that the fire was staged (like much of the rest of the show), the kids decided to partake in some good old-fashioned book burning. I think this is how the Kid National Socialist Party started.
  
• All hell broke loose with the kids looting candy from the store. I thought bringing on Rodney King's kid to say, "Can't we all just get along?" was maybe a bit much.
  
• After sleeping off the candy and soda hangover, the kids were informed about a surprise gold star. Upon winning it, Zach (who we've discovered is an eighty-year-old Jewish man in kid's clothing) got veklempt.
  
• Greg told us that Zach could be in the "legislature." Blaine responded with cries of "Bully!"
  
• A catfight broke out between Taylor and Emily when Taylor finally decided to unveil her plans for a concentration camp for ugly people.
• Jonathan introduced the $50,000 gold stars by announcing, "Take a look at this! And this! And this!" On his last exclamation, there were screams of "Jonathan, no!" Morgan ran crying.
  
• Sofia used the word "gargantuous". Webster decided to re-think its choice of "w00t" as word of the year.
  
• "Hurry!" Jonathan screamed as the showdown came to its final minutes. The whip finally came out. Poor Mallory.
  
• During the showdown, Jared's appendix burst, but luckily Greg had performed an appendectomy before.
• They opened up the landfill for the trash and finally discovered where the kids who asked out ended up.
  
• The parents predictably showed up, but where was Jonathan? He mysteriously disappeared. Turns out he didn't feel too comfortable around adults; he "relates more with kids." Chris Hansen called (had to sneak one last one in).
  
• Weirdly, when DK's parents walked into town, Taylor's mom switched to the other side of the street.
• The douchebag line of the week: "Grab a seat, Zach's dad!"
• Migle's father doesn't speak English very well; he thought Migle won a star made of Skilandis.
  
• After their parents saw some footage, all of the kids were immediately grounded for the next 40 days.
• I'm not sure why they had to end it with the untended chickens dying of starvation. A little morbid.