Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Taking a look at the upcoming matchup of the undefeated Patriots versus the 13-time feated Dolphins one might think that this game will easily turn into a rout. Not so. In fact, one may say it is almost as likely that the Dolphins pull out a victory. Follow me here:

  1. The Dolphins running game - Assume Larry Czonka has invented a time machine, captured his 1972 self, and propelled himself into the future. The Pats can’t stop a good running back – Likelihood of Dolphins success = 2%
  2. The passing game – Unless Dan Marino is filming Ace Ventura 3 – Aces Wild, he represents the only talented Dolphins quarterback in the organization. Plus, he must be bitter that Brady just passed him on the list of Season Passing TD’s. Likelihood of Dolphins success = 4%
  3. Halftime adjustments – Tom Brady could spend too much time singing a reprisal of “Shi-poopi”. Peter Griffin would naturally then play on the offensive line giving the Pats first stringers a break. The Dolphins defense would run right over an animated character = Likelihood of Dolphins success = 21%
  4. Weather – game time forecast in New England will be in the low 40’s. Perhaps during the game the Pats will work on their tans and catch a few rays while the sun is still up. They’ve only played one game in the last two months that have started before the sun set. Likelihood of Dolphins success = 10%
  5. Management – Perhaps Scott Pioli, Patriots GM, would trade his entire team and coaching staff to Baltimore for the entire Ravens team and coaching staff. (Sorry Josh, it had to be said). Likelihood of Dolphins success = 0.00001%

    Total likelihood of Dolphins victory = 36.00001%

    Just like they say in Spaceballs: “Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb”.

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