The Random Interview: A Dog Discusses His Loss

Today, we're going to try something different (the reason will not be obvious to most) and have the first interview in Random Babbles' short history. We sat down with Bailey LeBron Rothschild Frumkin, official dog of Random Babbles:

• Random Babbles: I'm glad you were able to take time out of your busy schedule to sit down with us. No, sit, sit. Bailey, sit! Okay, thanks for joining us.
• Bailey: My pleasure. Thanks for the Snausage.
• RB: What do you do all day? You're confined to a small area with not much room to walk around, if at all.
• BLRF: I sleep. I actually need a lot to get through the day. I get enough exercise -- trots around the great wooded bathroom you call the outdoors; chasing various plush items around the apartment. Besides, aren't we all "confined" to our own "small area" of thinking? How often do you really get out and "stretch" your mind?
• RB: Fair enough. And in the evening when you lay around?
• BLRF: I'm a people-watcher. Maybe I'll keep an eye out the window in case a squirrel passes by, but I'm generally amused at what goes on indoors. Tonight, you watched a bunch of kids play cowboy and then Howie Mandel try as hard as he can to not touch a bunch of freaks and rednecks. I don't understand it, and I don't think it's because I'm a different species.
• RB: Let's go back to something that happened to you maybe four years ago. You underwent elective (though not on your part) surgery.
• BLRF: Elective... I was driven to a small building where a very nice lady removed my testicles. I thought I might have a reprieve because of a water main break, but it wasn't to be.
• RB: Hey, you made the front page of the Baltimore Sun for that!
• BLRF: They took my balls! What could make up for that?! My balls! Even Michael Mukasey would come down strongly against that!
• RB: Yet you still hump various legs and furniture.
• BLRF: Stephen Hawking wrote books by blinking. We all try to lead a normal life in the face of adversity.
• RB: Thanks for re-visiting that painful memory, which obviously hasn't kept you from leading a great life, and for joining us today.
• BLRF: You're welcome. Now stop typing that stupid thing -- I'm thirsty! (Noses water bowl)