Sunday, February 28, 2010

Worst of the Worst: #27, Battlefield Earth

I've spent the past two days trying to figure out what to say about the twenty-fifth movie I've watched on the list, Battlefield Earth.

Nope, nada, nothing.

Take a second and imagine what you think it is. You've heard about it. You may know it's won more Razzies than any other movie. Think about what that means and then forget it, because it is so far beyond anything you can imagine. The story is worse than you can imagine. The special effects are worse than you can imagine. The acting is worse than you can imagine. It ranks #27 on the list because it got 2% on Rotten Tomatoes. That equated to three people giving it a positive review. Two of those people said viewers should go see it so they can understand how bad it is. The third said it gets better as the movie goes on and that review is accompanied by comment after comment calling the reviewer an idiot.

I called The Master of Disguise the worst movie I had ever seen. Let me change that. It is the least entertaining movie I have ever seen. Battlefield Earth is the worst movie I have ever seen. It is a complete and total failure on every possible level. It was made in 2000 and has special effects and title sequences that make it look like it came from 1975. John Travolta puts forth the single worst acting job ever (the movie won a Razzie for Worst Screen Couple for Travolta and anyone who ever appears on screen with him). The plot is so bad that it includes people turning on electronics that have been neglected (and without electricity) for 1,000 years and cavemen engineering a nuclear bomb with basically no training. It is infuriatingly abysmal.

And that makes it so darn entertaining. Well, for a few minutes, at least. Once you've seen all of its tricks, it gets impossible to watch, but it is worth watching at least the first half hour or so. It's on Starz On Demand and Netflix Watch Instantly. Just watch a little. Let me know how it feels to have your brains liquify and leak from your ears.

More words than I thought I had, but they still say nothing. They do the movie no justice. Battlefield Earth is legendary exactly because it is a feat that may never be equalled. Kudos.

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