Monologue:
- Good evening, thanks for being here. I'd like to thank my studio announcer, Fluff from the PGA. Give it up for Fluff! He used to carry Tiger's bag before Tiger got married.
- Speaking of bags... Did you see that Chastity Bono is going to get a sex change? After the operation, she'll be known as Chastity Boner. Okay, sorry, bad joke, I know. I'd redo it if I could turn back time.
- Former NFL QB Ryan Leaf in the news. Leaf was arrested on drug charges. Peyton Manning was picked first in the lineup.
- Miss California got fired by Donald Trump. She wasn't even on The Celebrity Apprentice. Yet. But, it's good for her. She'll have more time to visit all of those places that ex-beauty pageant contestants get to visit, like the Iraq and such as.
- I was going to make a Sarah Palin joke there, but apparently Letterman has the monopoly on that. She's angry because she feels like he made a joke about her fourteen-year-old daughter getting knocked up. We've always known that Dave is ahead of his time, this time by about four years.
- Thanks for joining us, we have a great show tonight. Stay tuned!
Interview:
- It's hard to believe that our guest tonight was able to join us. His basketball team has defied all expectations this year to make the NBA Finals. Even though he had a game to coach tonight, he was able to be here. Give it up for Orlando Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy!
- Random Babbles: So happy you could make it. It's great to have you. Your guys are doing a heck of a job.
- Stan Van Gundy: Happy to be here.
- RB: You really have a team game going. I've seen a lot of great work down low and the outside shooting has been a revelation.
- SVG: I've always been known for versatility. I really enjoy just getting down in there and hammering away. It's how we get things done in this business.
- RB: Talk a little about juggling the ball-handling jobs between Alston and Nelson.
- SVG: Usually I prefer someone else to do that job for me... But, Alston and Nelson, how did you know that's what I called them?
- RB: Well, it's on the back of their jerseys.
- SVG: What?
- RB: Your point guards? Their basketball jerseys? You feeling okay, coach?
- SVG: Coach?
- RB: Coach Van Gundy? Are you alright?
- SVG: Van Gundy? I'm Ron Jeremy. What are you talking about?
- RB: Oh crap, I didn't recognize you from the waist up. We'll be right back, go to commercial!
Musical Guest:
- Sorry about that, folks. I thought it was strange timing, but the producers assured me. Anyways, let's see if they can redeem themselves with the musical guest. Ladies and gentlemen, Lancelot Link and the Evolution Revolution!
I want to thank our guests tonight and, again, sorry about the mix-up. Peace!
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