1st Round Match-ups:
- Reggie Bush vs. Bush (the band): Reggie Bush is an overrated football player who's sleeping with a girl who's famous for having a big ass and a sex tape. The band Bush is an overrated rock band whose lead singer is now famous for being married to a much more talented performer ("Hollaback Girl" notwithstanding). Reggie can make your head spin with his speed. Bush can make your head spin with its whiny lyrics. The Key Stat: "Machinehead" is a pretty good song. Reggie Bush has done nothing but kill fantasy teams (unless you're in a points-per-reception league). The Winner: Bush (the band)
- George W. Bush vs. the Bush Baby: Pros for Bush 43: He's not in office anymore. Cons for Bush 43: Right, so... Pros for Bush Baby: It's really cute and it was involved in one of the great jokes in American Idol history. Cons for Bush Baby: It's called a Galago, which is one letter off from being Galaga. If it was called a Galaga, it would be an unstoppable force for awesomeness. As it is, it's going up against George W. Bush. The Winner: Bush Baby
- "The Bush" (in Australia) vs. George H. W. Bush: You can go walkabout in the Bush. You might get arrested for going walkabout in Bush 41. The Winner: "The Bush"
- Stan Bush vs. The Bushwhackers: Not only did Stan Bush do the music for the original cartoon Transformers: The Movie, he also did some music for Bloodsport! Not the chase scene, unfortunately. That might make him unstoppable. But dude...
In an upset, The Winner: The Bushwhackers!
2nd Round Match-ups:
- "The Bush" vs. Bush (the band): Has Gavin Rossdale ever walked on people's heads to grab a train? No? The Winner: "The Bush"
- Bush Baby vs. The Bushwhackers: The Bushwhackers' walk is awesome, but the animal will stare them down. There's no match for those creepy eyes. The Winner: Bush Baby
- Bush Baby vs. "The Bush": It's kind of hard to go wrong here. It might come down to a question of whether or not you can subdue a Bush Baby with some sort of weird finger-and-head-tilting thing. But it might also come down to a question of whether you've seen the unwatchable Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles. The Grand Champion: Bush Baby! Er, Bush Baby! No, Bush Baby!