Sunday, April 5, 2009

Under Siege

After Michigan State surprisingly tore through UConn (the Huskies looked like they were playing in slow motion), I sat down to watch Carolina obliterate Villanova. Shortly after the game began, I was forced to pause it when my wife called me upstairs. There is a deck adjacent to our living room that is maybe fifteen feet off of the ground with no way up from the outside. We keep our recycling out there and sometimes trash if a bag has filled up before trash night. My wife called me because our deck and the trash bag it held was under siege from a horrible beast.

Our house backs to woods and we often see deer, rabbits, and even foxes. However, a new kind of menace had crept out of the forest and somehow it had either flown or performed a superhuman act of ascension. It was standing on our deck, ready to unleash its evil on an unsuspecting bag. I flicked the switch to the outside lamp and the beast scurried away to the edge of the light, feeling safe in its natural habitat of darkness. It leaped to the deck next door and there it sat, staring at us, trying to figure out how to steal our leavings. Only one thing in our house could save us now.

The dog, running to see what we were looking at outside, patrolled the window, not noticing the creature lurking on the next deck. But the threat was enough! The beast saw our fearless guardian and refused to come back. Instead it sat there, trying to decide if our own personal Cerberus was safely behind glass. The creature watched.

It began to calculate if it could make the jump back over. I was a little worried that the creature would miss and crash to its sure demise on the concrete below. Look, if you've been to my house, you'll know that you have never noticed a sign that says "Dead Raccoon Storage". You know why you've never seen that sign? 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead raccoons ain't my f***ing business, that's why!

I went back to watching the game, but heard a noise. The dog had noticed the animal! He began barking and howling, ready to sink his razor-sharp teeth into Rocky's evil hide. The creature ran away into the darkness.

Did it get down? Did it ever find a meal? I don't know, but I do know that out there, in the night, there lurks a monster. Waiting... Hungering...

No comments: