Idol Chatter

I started sneezing this evening. I might seriously have swine flu. Also, when I walked in my office this morning, there was a spider web in the corner that read, "Some Employee". On my way home, I was just thinking about how I want some Marvin Gaye, some Luther Vandross, a little Anita would definitely set this party off right. But, no, it's the Idol gang doing Frank, Dean, Sammy, Peter, and Joey. Here we go:

• Kris Allen, singing Jerome Kern's "The Way You Look Tonight": What a wussy-ass performance this was. I understand who he is, but the phrasing just didn't work for me. Can he sing anything differently than his usual style? Arlen Specter called me to ask which party Kris belongs to so he can decide which party he wants to be in. Upon learning that Kris was an evangelical from Arkansas, Specter breathed a sigh of relief. Michael Steele then called to assure me that Anoop was going to cream Kris in the end. Also, Frank Sinatra rose from the grave to beat the crap out of Kris backstage.
• Allison Iraheta, singing the Gershwin standard "Someone to Watch Over Me": Can we never do a sit-down with her again? Every time I hear her speak, I start going into convulsions like Michael Ironside at the end of Scanners. She switched up her usual style and killed this. Way better than Kris. Maybe they can convince her to sing any interview answers.
• Matt Giraud, singing the Rodgers and Hart standard "My Funny Valentine": Isn't Jamie Foxx kind of slumming a bit? Idol's big and all, but Jamie Foxx big? Anyway, this dude was freaking horrible. Do you think Simon said he liked Matt so he didn't look like an idiot for saving him?
• Danny Gokey, singing Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer's "Come Rain or Come Shine": It was pretty cool on Monday how Danny helped save his daughter Claire and then faked Sylar's death. I don't know if I'm in a mood because I had a long work day or if I'm just bored with everyone on this show at this point. You know, technically good. Nice emotion at the end. Just... Well, it's not like I've ever bought an album recorded by an Idol contestant.
• Adam Lambert, singing Anthony Newley and Leslie Bricusse's "Feeling Good": Did you know that The Pussycat Dolls covered this? Awesome. I love this song with a really dirty, gritty vocal. Adam delivered something in a bit of a register. His voice was so high that Air Force One #2 flew under it. Still, I just don't get it. He can sing, he very well may win, he very well may deserve to win. I just don't get it.

Hit the road, Matt, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more. I do agree with Simon that Allison could also go home (since Kris, Danny, and Adam are untouchable).