Go and Tell Your Master That We Have Been Charged by God With a Sacred Quest

• The Monologue:
• TLC announced that Jon Gosselin is going to be gone from his TV show and it will be renamed Kate Plus Eight, short for the full title of Kate Plus Eight Minus One Douchebag Equals Dear God Why Is This Show Still On The Air And How Will The Kids Possibly Not Grow Up To Have Decaying Corpses In Their Crawlspaces.
• A number of Hollywood directors have signed a petition asking for the release of Roman Pulanski who was arrested for the decades-old rape of a 13-year-old girl. When asked why he was part of the protest, Woody Allen said, "Geez, it's not like it was his daughter or something."
• Maggie Gyllenhaal and her brother tried to sign the petition while in a meeting on Canal Street in Manhattan. She was allowed, but when her brother tried, the clipboard was rudely pulled back and he was told, "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown."
• Too much of a stretch on that one?
• Police in Illinois broke up a dogfighting ring that was being run out of a daycare facility. We reached one of the kids for comment but he seemed to be distraught and could only say, "Meemeemeemeemeemeemeemee." He gave the phone to a friend, who moaned, "Poor Rowlf," and hung up.
• Random Pop Culture:
• "Survivor" is the best episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, but this week's episode might be second. It is so funny that I laughed out loud from start to finish, so funny that I kept laughing through the credits and for five minutes after the show was over. I got the giggles and couldn't stop. Classic Larry, classic Leon, classic Lewis, classic Jeff, and so on. I am going to re-watch it a number of times and laugh just as hard every time. The best dialogue is probably Leon's "Lego" rant, but there are a number of other contenders like, "It could be the throwing up signal! I could have been eating corn on the cob!," or the simple, yet perfect, "I think you blew him." And who hasn't been unable to open a vacuum-sealed pack and gone completely apes*** over it? Painful, tear-inducing, banging-your-hand-on-the-side-of-the-couch funny.
• Have a lot of catching up to do because of the holiday, but last night's How I Met Your Mother was, surprisingly, not quite as funny. Still pretty good at times, though. Cheesy ending, which I know is a big shock from that show. It was funny enough that it was a nice come-down after watching Curb so that I could keep from not being able to sleep because I was still laughing.
• This may be one of the great Amazing Race seasons. Sucks for the folks who didn't make it past the starting line, but the field seems deeper than ever before as a whole. Usually, you have the older team who's just happy to be there, but it looks like every team is out for blood and almost every team is capable of pulling it off. Most hateable: the poker chicks (yes, even over Unfrozen Douchebag Lawyer). Favorites to win: the So. Cal blonde couple.
• I usually don't worry about the Vegas NFL lines until later in the week, but Dallas getting 3 at Denver??? This is the same Dallas who couldn't defend Tampa, right? The same Denver who held a Bengals team that poured points on Green Bay and Pittsburgh to seven? Wow.
• The New Quest:
• I've seen 54 of the AFI's Top 100 and I have the rest on my Netflix queue, but there are other lists out there as well. Rotten Tomatoes released a list of the 100 worst movies of the decade. I studied it and I've only seen three of them: The Adventures of Pluto Nash (so bad that I've seen it multiple times just to make sure it was as bad as I thought it was), Rollerball (it seriously had a long scene filmed entirely in night vision), and Epic Movie (I watched it just to see if it could even make me smile, much less laugh; it did not). Three? I'm ashamed. I consider myself a connoisseur of awful movies! This calls for a quest! Starting this week, I'm on a four-day work week indefinitely, so I have three-day weekends and more time to wear out Netflix. Therefore, I will vow to watch one new movie on the Worst Movies list every week and review it in this space. It's on.