Wednesday, September 9, 2009

32 Questions

It's NFL ranking time! Thirty-two teams, one question per team. Let's go:

32. Detroit Lions: Calvin Johnson has the coolest nickname in the NFL, Megatron. Why is the rest of his team made up of guys named Bumblebee and Cliffjumper?

31. Cleveland Browns: Why does Eric Mangini think we even care who starts at QB?

30. St. Louis Rams: Am I the only one who sometimes forgets that this team exists?

29. Oakland Raiders: Why does Al Davis keep calling me and offering me a draft pick for some tapioca pudding?

28. Kansas City Chiefs: Will I literally die laughing when I see them in person this weekend?

27. Buffalo Bills: If T.O. complains about Trent Edwards but he's playing in Buffalo, does it make a sound?

26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Doesn't Byron Leftwich handing the ball to Cadillac Williams sound like a great idea for a UFL team?

25. Cincinnati Bengals: Has there ever been a bigger disparity between how good a coach looks on Hard Knocks and how well his team is actually going to play?

24. Denver Broncos: Is Knowshon Moreno secretly the most confusing name in the league?

23. San Francisco 49ers: Will Mike Singletary finally take the next step and poop on one of his players after a bad game?

22. Houston Texans: Is there a more overrated team in the NFL this year?

21. Jacksonville Jaguars: If you're a sleeper team for more than four years, doesn't that just mean that you actually stink?

20. New York Jets: How badly does Joe Namath want to kiss Suzy Kolber right now?

19. Seattle Seahawks: After years of picking them to be in the Super Bowl, does this low ranking mean they're actually going to do it?

18. Miami Dolphins: Does the fact that more than ten teams will run the Wildcat this year mean that the whole league has gone freaking bonkers?

17. Washington Redskins: Aren't they sort of flying under the radar?

16. Chicago Bears: Doesn't this mean that Houston isn't actually the most overrated team in the NFL?

15. Carolina Panthers: Who else wants them to make the playoffs to see if Jake Delhomme can take a shot at ten interceptions?

14. Dallas Cowboys: Why is Ashton Kutcher waiting so long to let Dallas know that the Wade Phillips era has been a big prank?

13. New Orleans Saints: Can Drew Brees actually walk on water or is it just a rumor?

12. Atlanta Falcons: Is any division as fantastically mediocre as the NFC South?

11. San Diego Chargers: Am I wrong that the Wade Phillips era makes Norv Turner look like a legit coach by comparison?

10. Arizona Cardinals: Are reports true that they clinched the NFC West last Tuesday?

9. Minnesota Vikings: It's not just a saying -- karma actually is a bitch, right?

8. Green Bay Packers: Vanilla Ice aside, has anyone gone from zero to hero faster than Aaron Rodgers?

7. Philadelphia Eagles: Is there a more underrated "most exciting player" than DeSean Jackson?

6. Tennessee Titans: They're bound to come back to earth, right?

5. Indianapolis Colts: Am I the only one who just isn't feeling it this year (not that #5 is so bad)?

4. New York Giants: Don't you just get the feeling that this team is going to breeze to the Super Bowl?

3. Baltimore Ravens: Am I a total blind homer or is this squad really, really good?

2. New England Patriots: Did I just put them here because I actually have no goddamn clue how good they're going to be, considering how much they've lost on defense?

1. Pittsburgh Steelers: Do I have any reason to bump them from #1 even though they never feel like they're as good as they are?

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