It's NFL ranking time! Thirty-two teams, one question per team. Let's go:
32. Detroit Lions: Calvin Johnson has the coolest nickname in the NFL, Megatron. Why is the rest of his team made up of guys named Bumblebee and Cliffjumper?
31. Cleveland Browns: Why does Eric Mangini think we even care who starts at QB?
30. St. Louis Rams: Am I the only one who sometimes forgets that this team exists?
29. Oakland Raiders: Why does Al Davis keep calling me and offering me a draft pick for some tapioca pudding?
28. Kansas City Chiefs: Will I literally die laughing when I see them in person this weekend?
27. Buffalo Bills: If T.O. complains about Trent Edwards but he's playing in Buffalo, does it make a sound?
26. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Doesn't Byron Leftwich handing the ball to Cadillac Williams sound like a great idea for a UFL team?
25. Cincinnati Bengals: Has there ever been a bigger disparity between how good a coach looks on Hard Knocks and how well his team is actually going to play?
24. Denver Broncos: Is Knowshon Moreno secretly the most confusing name in the league?
23. San Francisco 49ers: Will Mike Singletary finally take the next step and poop on one of his players after a bad game?
22. Houston Texans: Is there a more overrated team in the NFL this year?
21. Jacksonville Jaguars: If you're a sleeper team for more than four years, doesn't that just mean that you actually stink?
20. New York Jets: How badly does Joe Namath want to kiss Suzy Kolber right now?
19. Seattle Seahawks: After years of picking them to be in the Super Bowl, does this low ranking mean they're actually going to do it?
18. Miami Dolphins: Does the fact that more than ten teams will run the Wildcat this year mean that the whole league has gone freaking bonkers?
17. Washington Redskins: Aren't they sort of flying under the radar?
16. Chicago Bears: Doesn't this mean that Houston isn't actually the most overrated team in the NFL?
15. Carolina Panthers: Who else wants them to make the playoffs to see if Jake Delhomme can take a shot at ten interceptions?
14. Dallas Cowboys: Why is Ashton Kutcher waiting so long to let Dallas know that the Wade Phillips era has been a big prank?
13. New Orleans Saints: Can Drew Brees actually walk on water or is it just a rumor?
12. Atlanta Falcons: Is any division as fantastically mediocre as the NFC South?
11. San Diego Chargers: Am I wrong that the Wade Phillips era makes Norv Turner look like a legit coach by comparison?
10. Arizona Cardinals: Are reports true that they clinched the NFC West last Tuesday?
9. Minnesota Vikings: It's not just a saying -- karma actually is a bitch, right?
8. Green Bay Packers: Vanilla Ice aside, has anyone gone from zero to hero faster than Aaron Rodgers?
7. Philadelphia Eagles: Is there a more underrated "most exciting player" than DeSean Jackson?
6. Tennessee Titans: They're bound to come back to earth, right?
5. Indianapolis Colts: Am I the only one who just isn't feeling it this year (not that #5 is so bad)?
4. New York Giants: Don't you just get the feeling that this team is going to breeze to the Super Bowl?
3. Baltimore Ravens: Am I a total blind homer or is this squad really, really good?
2. New England Patriots: Did I just put them here because I actually have no goddamn clue how good they're going to be, considering how much they've lost on defense?
1. Pittsburgh Steelers: Do I have any reason to bump them from #1 even though they never feel like they're as good as they are?