Worst of the Worst: #92, Babylon A.D.

There are plenty of sci-fi movies about the future, but post-apocalyptic ones have been rare of late. Only two jump out at me over the last number of years: Alfonso Cuaron's criminally underappreciated Children of Men and Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later. Both are stylish, both paint futures that are difficult to envision. It goes without saying that, in order to work, both have to detail how the world got to where it is. We need to have that understanding in order to follow the plot and get the twists and turns to come.

The previous paragraph bears little meaning when it comes to Babylon A.D., the 92nd worst movie of the last decade, according to Rotten Tomatoes. It is a post-apocalyptic sci-fi movie. Well, I think. See, Babylon A.D. doesn't explain the circumstances of the future that it shows, but, even more glaringly, it doesn't tell you what the movie is about, period. It's one thing for a sci-fi movie to not set the rules. It's an even more basic movie need for a film -- any film -- to explain the circumstances of the plot. This movie fails to do that. At no point during the movie does it make sense.

Yes, Vin Diesel is the star and his acting is lacking. Yes, the dialogue is pretty lame. But all of that pales to the fact that I spent the entire movie not knowing what was happening. Why did any character exist? What did they do what they do? What the f*** was this stupid movie about? Nothing. No explanation of any part of the film until the very end, but at that point it didn't matter because I was sufficiently checked out mentally.

You know those Luc Besson films like Taken that are very short on plot but long on stylish action? I think this was trying to be that same type of film, but there was no plot and the action was fairly stupid. Imagine watching ninety minutes worth of scenes of people doing things and saying things to each other and you never understand why they are doing any of this or what any of the scenes have to do with each other. Eventually, those scenes just stop and credits roll? I give you Babylon A.D.