The Monologue

• Tonight, it's just jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes:
• Diddy gave his son a $360,000 Maybach for his sixteenth birthday. In the spirit of giving, he also presented one of his rappers with a $1,000,000 life insurance policy and a contract to record an album called "What It Might Be Like If I Were A Ghost And Rapping This".
• A couple found a letter from Thomas Jefferson in the file cabinet of an office in Old Town Alexandria. The letter begins: "When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for a man to get freaky..."
• A couple found a letter from Thomas Jefferson. It is addressed to an "SH" and ends, "Huge. Quickly."
• For one night, the Charlotte Bobcats were wearing NASCAR-inspired uniforms. It's the most unexpected union since Sally Hemings and Thomas Jefferson.