People Just Liked It Better That Way

• The Monologue:
• A cobra has disappeared in the Bronx Zoo. Duke and Scarlett have been detached to investigate.
• An Egyptian cobra has gone missing from the reptile house in the Bronx Zoo. With its departure, the Egyptian cobra military is now in charge of the exhibit.
• A snake went missing in the Bronx. Upon hearing there was a living thing in the Bronx that they hadn't tried out, the Yankees asked him to come in for a shot at being their fifth starter.
• Random Pop Culture:
• Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara return tonight. Nurse Jackie is in danger of going the Weeds route with me. It has three great performances, but the show itself is pretty boring because nobody ever learns anything or does anything different. On the other hand, Tara is constantly pushing itself (and also has great performances). I only watched Tara tonight and it was as good as it was at the end of its last season.
• Luke of The Amazing Race may be my least favorite contestant ever. He is whiny to a level that Snooki finds annoying. Oh, I'm so sorry that you have it tough on a freaking game show where you get to travel around the world for free. I'm sure the 99.9% of applicants that don't get picked for the show really feel for you.
• Don't look now, but House just literally bored someone to death. If only they had been more self-aware, they would have been able to diagnose the guy.
• Am I crazy to think that Butler has the best shot of winning this thing? Really don't want to jinx them, though.
• Random Music Video:
• 81 years ago today, the Turkish Postal Services Law was enacted and required that all foreign governments stop calling the country's largest city, the third largest city proper in the world, by its old name. But, why did Constantinople get the works? Let's see if we can find out!